Gale Force

According to the race results, I am the 8th fastest 30-something year old in Orem. Take that 9th place guy!

I’m not normally one to toot my own horn (at least publicly) but I’m proud of the fact that I just ran my first 5k race ever! After all, a mere 6 months ago I weighed 252 lbs. and I couldn’t even drive 5k without getting tired. Now my scale uses the numbers “1″ and “8″ to tell me my weight and I’m signing up for races as fast as I can find them…I feel unstoppable. And hungry.

Sorry about the self-aggrandizing post…I couldn’t help it.

This weekend was the big Orem city summer festival, or Summerfest, as they like to call it. My family and I took in all that it had to offer including the 5k Fireman’s race, the Rotary Club breakfast, the booths, food and fireworks…and of course the CARNIVAL! I love the annual invasion of the carnies…strange people from strange lands coming to your town to amuse ripoff, entertain swindle and bedazzle jade the locals (or “townies” as we’re affectionately known).

Although I doubt there is a formal application process to become a carny, I am convinced that if there were it would look something like this:

Section I: About You
Name or Alias:
Age or rough approximation:
Address (N/A acceptable):
Highest grade level completed (circle one): 2 3 4 5

Section II: Please Answer the Following Questions
Do you like children Y N
Do you have any experience around or near children Y N
Do you have any children of your own Y N

If you answered Yes to any of the previous questions, we’re sorry but we are unable to accept your application at this time.

Seriously though…I did not catch even the briefest suggestion of a hint of a smile from any of the Carnival staff the entire day! Where do they get these people (OK I doubt I really want to know the answer to that)? I swear there’s a massive untapped market for Carnivals where the operators are 1) friendly 2) can speak English 3) have most of their teeth and 4) have a wardrobe consisting of more than wife-beaters and jean shorts. But what do I know…

In parting I would like to share a few informative links:

• Carny Lingo - The Ultimate List
• Carny Entry on Wikipedia
• Photos tagged “carny” on Flickr

Can’t wait until next year…

We went all out on Jachin’s birthday party this year. After being inspired by another mom who put on a sweet Mario party I was confident I could do something similar (the confidence faded quickly).

First I made the invitations using some awesome graphics I found on the Nintendo website and the ever-cool Super Mario Bros. font. I also created some “coin boxes” using 4″x4″x4″ boxes that I purchased from Uline. I used this Question Mark Brick graphic, scaled it to 4″x4″ and printed them 4 per page then attached them to the boxes using a glue stick. Once the boxes were done I put the invitation, some easter grass (don’t ask me why) and some bubble-gum coins (chocolate coins were preferred but too expensive) inside and had Jachin deliver them to all of his friends. While I was going I made several extra boxes to use as decorations for the party.

Whew…invitations done…on to the cakes!

Being the lazy efficient person I am, I chose two Mario characters that would be easy to re-create in cake-ity goodness. First, the innocuous Goomba. He’s brown (chocolate icing) and he’s mushroom shaped (no artistic skills required). Next up, Blooper. He’s white (vanilla icing) and squid-shaped with few defining features (again…no artistic skills required). Perfect! Here’s the inspiration and the final product:

You should know that I have neither expertise nor skill in the area of cake decoration. For those of you who actually know how to decorate cakes, I apologize for my amateurish foray into your world. Case in point…the ultimate Mario cake. /bow “I’m not worthy”.

Invitations, check. Cakes, check. On to the piñata.

Desirous to have all aspects of the party stick to the Mario theme we decided to make a Chain Chomp piñata. We found a basic round smiley face piñata and painted it to look like a menacing Chain Chomp! The kids loved it.

Invitations, cakes, piñatas oh my. By this point I was exhausted and frankly I had lost some of my ambition. I had big ideas for cool party games but we just didn’t have the time to do them justice. In the end we let the kids decorate their own “coin boxes”, we played “pin the star”, we broke the piñata then we let the kids play some old-school Super Mario Bros. (including a “who can complete world 1-1 the fastest” contest).

Overall I think it was a big success. The kids had fun and I’m sure Jachin will remember this birthday for years to come. I have posted all of the party pictures online in the Gallery so feel free to browse them there!

“I’m sorry but our princess is in another castle….”

I took a page from Colonel Sanders’ book…I put an addictive chemical in my blog writing that made you crave it fort-nightly. And now that I’ve been away for a bit I can only imagine the jonesing that must be going on. Well I’m back with a vengeance (I always wanted to say that) and here for your reading pleasure is another quality post.

Let’s talk about frugality.

I’ve been accused of being cheap. I like to consider myself “frugal”. Let’s take my son’s eighth birthday as an example. Jachin really wanted a new bike and because this was a big birthday for him I decided to take him to the REAL bike shop instead of Wal-Mart. As you’d expect, bike prices at a REAL bike store are considerably higher than those at Wal-Mart so I’m thinking he needs to pick out something that will last him a really long time (read: until he’s old enough to drive). First he tried a 16″ BMX bike. It fit well and had those really cool front and rear pegs that make you think you can do awesome stunts. He liked it but we convinced him that a mountain bike might be a better choice. We tried a 20″ mountain bike that fit him perfectly. He did a few laps around the store, grinning ear-to-ear the whole time. He was the Lone Ranger and had found his Silver. All I could think as I watched him ride around the store was “boy…at the rate he’s growing that bike will last him 2 years tops!”. I’m a horrible father I know.

After some coaxing I convinced my son to try the 24″ version of the same bike. The bike absolutely dwarfed him…it was almost comical watching him try to mount this behemoth. When he finally got on he could barely touch the pedals and the handlebars were entirely out of reach. Not wanting to give up so easily I asked the sales rep if it could be adjusted to fit someone of his size. A whirlwind of allen-wrench tweaking ensued…first the seat was dropped down about 6 inches then the handlebars were lowered all the way and rotated forward. The pedals were even moved forward on the cranks to accommodate a shorter stride. When it was all said and done, Jachin could actually get on the bike and he even managed a few laps around the store. He still looked ridiculously under-sized on that bike…but he was riding it. “Perfect!”, I declared triumphantly and headed toward the register.

So what do you think? Frugal, cheap or horrible parenting in general? You should know, however, that the story has a happy ending. After a few hours (OK minutes actually) with his new bike Jachin absolutely loves it! He quickly made the adjustment from a 14″ bike to a 24″ bike and has figured out the gears and hand brakes. Every time he gets on his bike I catch a glimpse of that same smile he had at the bike store when he was riding something that actually fit him. Besides…he looks really good on that bike with his pants that are rolled up 4 inches, the shirt that is 2 sizes too big and the shoes that have padding in the toes that I can take out when his feet grow…

Well I survived the vacation…barely. To summarize my experience I have chosen to write this informative Q&A guide. Enjoy.

Q: What was your vacation destination?

A: The Green Valley Spa and Resort in St. George Utah.

Q: Why did you choose that location?

A: Because I am cheap thrifty. Because the weather is nice. Because the drive is only 500 miles round-trip.

Q: Where is the switch to turn on the sink disposal in a Green Valley Spa and Resort condominium?

A: In the appliance garage behind the coffee maker. Duh!

Q: Where can I get the best ice cream in St. George?

A: Blue Bunny

Q: In what year was the microwave oven introduced?

A: 1967. There’s an original model on display in unit 1634 at the Green Valley Spa and Resort.

Q: What activities did you enjoy while on vacation?

A: Swimming, eating, shopping, hiking, ice creaming (YES, “ice creaming” is an activity), sight-seeing (site-seeing?), sleeping, Phase 10.

Q: Did you take any pictures?

A: Yes

Q: How much money did you spend?

A: More than $200…less than $8,000.

Q: Did you see any hot chicks at the pool?

A: Yes. Two, actually.

Q: Dude…get a tan!

A: That’s not a question.

I’m on vacation!  I’m pretty sure the last time I had a vacation proper was during the Clinton administration…so I definitely deserve this.  The fam and I are staying at the Green Valley Spa and Resort in sunny St. George Utah.  Stay tuned for pics and commentary…

My 7 year old son has just published his first blog post. I thought I was worried when my wife started blogging, now my son’s trying to horn in on my wobby (I just invented the word wobby - it means a Web Hobby. So says I). The worst part is that even he’s a better writer than I am — I mean that post about the concrete…it was poignant, concise and the grammar was excellent! I guess it’s true what they say…you know the one about how your kids steal your wobbies, make you look unintelligent and then make you pay for their college.

Hey 5 year old daughter of mine…where can I read YOUR blog?

My wife started blogging.  I’m not sure how I feel about it just yet…on the one hand, the internet needs more blogs.  On the other hand, what if more people read her blog than mine?  Does that make me less of a man?

The truth of the matter is, more people should read her blog because she’s a much better writer than I am.  So here’s the deal…if you have enough time to read two more blogs, read us both.  If you only have enough internet tube-width for one more blog, choose wisely.

Don’t forget this week is Unplug ‘n’ Play week.  So what are you doing reading this (OK I’m kidding myself that anyone reads my blog)…go outside already!

But just so you know, our family is fully mostly on board with the program.  My wife and I have amended the rules with the “after-hours” clause that will allow us to watch some ST:TNG episodes at night once the kids are in bed.  Other than that, we’re unplugged for the week.  Please allow me to say some parting words:

To my Wii - Sorry buddy…I won’t be seeing you this week.  We’ll have to bowl an extra game come Monday.  I will miss your soothing, pulsating blue light.

To my Xbox - Why haven’t I upgraded you to a 360 yet?  I doubt I’ll miss you much this week…but the kids will.

To WoW - We have such a love/hate relationship…I think the time away will be good for both of us.

To Guitar Hero II - I hate that I can’t beat Misirlou on expert yet.  I won’t miss trying this week.

Warning - very poor acronym incoming
Project SHED (Shed-building Helps Everyone De-stress) is now under way at the Gale home.  Yesterday my dad and I poured the slab for our new shed as the first step in beautifying our dirt and weed patch we call our yard.  As soon as I find my digital camera I’ll snap some shots and perhaps even create a shed building time-lapse movie for your viewing pleasure.  For now be content to know that it will be an architectural marvel — Frank Lloyd Wright himself has nothing on my shed design.

Specs:

• 12′7″ x 16′7″ (208 sq ft — 200 sq ft if Orem City asks)
• 9′ walls
• Loft / Attic area
• 9′ overhead garage door
• Man door
• Power overwhelming (+2 pts. for throwing in a Starcraft reference)

Should be fancy!  Stay tuned for more.