Gale Force

I, like every other patriotic, red-blooded American, went to see Transformers over the 4th of July holiday. The movie was awesome but I walked away from it feeling a little bit scheistered. No, it wasn’t because Soundwave didn’t make an appearance…it was all of the not-so-subtle product placement I was bombarded with throughout the movie.

I knew this was going to be a 2 1/2 hour GM commercial but I wasn’t expecting all the other blatant product plugs throughout the movie. Here are the ones I caught…

• Captain Lennox used an HP video conferencing unit
• Sam’s dad takes him to the Porsche dealership
• Sam mentions eBay and MySpace
• Mikaela was seen eating at Burger King
• The little girl by the pool was holding a “My Little Pony” (Hasbro)
• Glen’s cousin was playing DDR
• There was a Nokia phone that was “transformed” by the All Spark
• There was a Mt. Dew vending machine that was “transformed”
• There was an XBOX 360 that was “transformed”
• Gratuitous close-up of a Panasonic memory card
• Nice plug for Ding-Dongs from the P.O.T.U.S.
• The boombox Decepticon was GPX brand

Holy sell-out Michael Bay! I guess that’s the only way you can make such a rad movie with only $150 million in the budget…

Now if you’ll excuse me I’m off to BK for a Whopper right after I check my eBay auctions.

I was chatting with a friend today and he relayed a story about a call to Apple tech support. Trying to diagnose a problem they told him to perform a maneuver that most gymnasts would have trouble with.

“While holding the Apple + Alt + P + R keys, press and hold the Reset/Power button.”

Convinced he had been asked to perform the most difficult key press combination of all time, I told him about the time I had to do a zero out reset on my Palm Treo. I think they called it a zero out reset because you have exactly a ZERO percent chance of performing it correctly.

Here are the directions from PalmOne’s website:

1. Read through these instructions before attempting the reset. We made this method of zero out reset extremely awkward to perform, so that it would not happen by accident. You may need the help of a dextrous friend if you find it too difficult to do by yourself.
2. Connect your device to its HotSync cable or cradle. The HotSync cable does not need to be connected to your PC, and it does not need to be connected to power.
3. Press and hold the Power button and UP on the 5-way navigator.
4. While continuing to hold Power and UP, press and hold the HotSync button on the HotSync cable or cradle. As you press HotSync, make sure your other finger doesn’t slide to LEFT or RIGHT on the 5-way navigator; it needs to be exactly on UP during the entire process. Although you are pressing the HotSync button, a HotSync operation should not begin.
5. While continuing to hold Power, UP and HotSync, press and release the RESET button on the back panel of your device (where’s the reset hole?). This is very difficult to do with only one person; you may wish to hold the stylus in your mouth and use your hands to press Power, UP and HotSync.
6. Release Power, UP and HotSync.
7. If you did this reset correctly, the screen of your device will go blank, and you will not be able to turn it on. The charging LED will not light up, even if it’s connected to power. It will appear to be “dead.” (any other activity — such as the Palm OS logo or a rainbow-colored Boot Log screen appearing — means the reset was performed incorrectly; try again)

First off, when they suggest you may need a dextrous friend to assist you with the reset you know you’re in trouble. If that weren’t bad enough, by step 5 they’re actually suggesting you hold the stylus in your mouth! Uhh I’m no lawyer or anything, but asking people to put a slim, sharpened metal object in their mouth to press buttons seems like a lawsuit waiting to happen.

And I love step 7: “If you did this reset correctly”. Come on, you KNOW for a fact the person didn’t do it correctly. Just be honest and change step 7 to read: “7: Do it again…and again…and again”.

Sorry Pete, I’m pretty sure the Palm Treo zero-out reset is THE most difficult key press of all time.

PS - Thanks Jake, Andy and Mark for helping me reset my Treo that day….

According to the race results, I am the 8th fastest 30-something year old in Orem. Take that 9th place guy!

I’m not normally one to toot my own horn (at least publicly) but I’m proud of the fact that I just ran my first 5k race ever! After all, a mere 6 months ago I weighed 252 lbs. and I couldn’t even drive 5k without getting tired. Now my scale uses the numbers “1″ and “8″ to tell me my weight and I’m signing up for races as fast as I can find them…I feel unstoppable. And hungry.

Sorry about the self-aggrandizing post…I couldn’t help it.

This weekend was the big Orem city summer festival, or Summerfest, as they like to call it. My family and I took in all that it had to offer including the 5k Fireman’s race, the Rotary Club breakfast, the booths, food and fireworks…and of course the CARNIVAL! I love the annual invasion of the carnies…strange people from strange lands coming to your town to amuse ripoff, entertain swindle and bedazzle jade the locals (or “townies” as we’re affectionately known).

Although I doubt there is a formal application process to become a carny, I am convinced that if there were it would look something like this:

Section I: About You
Name or Alias:
Age or rough approximation:
Address (N/A acceptable):
Highest grade level completed (circle one): 2 3 4 5

Section II: Please Answer the Following Questions
Do you like children Y N
Do you have any experience around or near children Y N
Do you have any children of your own Y N

If you answered Yes to any of the previous questions, we’re sorry but we are unable to accept your application at this time.

Seriously though…I did not catch even the briefest suggestion of a hint of a smile from any of the Carnival staff the entire day! Where do they get these people (OK I doubt I really want to know the answer to that)? I swear there’s a massive untapped market for Carnivals where the operators are 1) friendly 2) can speak English 3) have most of their teeth and 4) have a wardrobe consisting of more than wife-beaters and jean shorts. But what do I know…

In parting I would like to share a few informative links:

• Carny Lingo - The Ultimate List
• Carny Entry on Wikipedia
• Photos tagged “carny” on Flickr

Can’t wait until next year…

I’m not sure how it evolved, but over the years my friends and I have come up with Garbage-Pail-esque names for many of the restaurants around town. We generally use this alternative naming convention (ANC) when we’re trying to decide where to go to lunch. A typical conversation might sound like this:

“So where do you want to eat today?”

“How about Taco Smell.”

“Nahh…we ate there earlier this week…maybe Pizza Slut?”

This invariably goes on for 15-20 minutes before a decision is finally made, but I thought it would be fun to document all of our alternative restaurant names for your reading enjoyment.

• Of course there’s the afore mentioned Taco Smell and Pizza Slut
• Up-Chuck-a-Rama
• Sindy’s
• Burger Schwing
• Up-Chuck E Cheese (let’s be honest…anyone that used “Chuck” in their restaurant name was asking for it)
• Scary Queen
• Barftic Circle
• El Pollo Grosso
• Grodey Yogi
• Papa Cajones
• Sbarrfo
• Wienerschnitzel (no alternate necessary…I giggle every time I hear it)
• Appalling Burger (Apollo Burger)

Do you have any “pet names” for places you like (or dis-like) to eat?

By Devin Hansen - Inaugural Guest Blogger

Greetings, Gale Force readers. I’m honored to be guest posting on the increasingly famous Gale Force Blog today for the first time. How unfortunate that the monumental occasion comes under such unfortunate circumstances.

But before I get into the meat and potatoes, let me preface this by saying that I’m a glass half-full kind of fellow. I’m a self-proclaimed optimist at heart, but I also try to ground myself with a healthy sprinkling of realism to keep my expectations of things at a reasonable level. So when the Jazz made it into the playoffs this year, I was hopeful they would turn the junky end-of-season play around and pull out a series win against the Rockets, and they stepped up and made it happen, just for me. Then they moved on against the Warriors, and I said to myself, “Self, the Jazz are going to win this series, I’m fairly sure of it.” And again, they did not disappoint.

Then it was on to the Western Conference Finals, and the story changes here a bit.

You see, it’s not that I’m disappointed that the Jazz have lost the first two games, and it’s not even that I’m abandoning all hope that they could still pull out a win in the series and go to the finals (hope is dim, but still burning). The issue is the manner in which the Jazz lost. We, the citizens of Jazz Nation, have now had to suffer through two nearly identical games. Jazz start out strong in first quarter, fall apart in second quarter, enter half down just shy of 20 points, fight their guts out in second half, come up short still by 10 or so points, never closing that defecit to closer than 7. Now I wasn’t so suprised to see that in game 1. It was a big transition from playing the run and gun Warriors to the inside power Spurs, so there was going to be some effort required for the Jazz to shift gears, but I expected (in all honesty) a much closer, more evenly matched loss to the Spurs in game 2. My expectations were realistic, I believe, but went sadly unfulfilled.

Now I could go on at length in an analysis of why the Jazz lost the way they did (and believe me, there were plenty of reasons), but instead I want to post my snapshots of the problems the boys in blue created for themselves and let you, Gale Forcers, analyze to your the content of your collective hearts. So here we go:

1. All five starters need to play like starters! Boozer and Williams posted great offensive games, but without help elsewhere, they can’t beat a team like the Spurs.
2. I’ll excuse Fisher a little for shooting so poorly, but Memo’s game-long string of bad shot choices and lame-duck, half-hearted efforts to post up get the stink-eye award.
3. I could strangle AK for making bad pass after bad pass, trying so hard to do too much in clever passes that only went straight to the Spurs.
4. Is anybody on this whole team going to ever defend a baseline 3-point shooter? Good grief!!!
5. The Spurs could put their grandmother on the court and the Jazz would have given her a lane to drive the basket.
6. Leave Millsap on the floor! He was the only bench player who hustled without looking downright frantic. Giricek always screws up, and Harpring didn’t play up to the level I usually expect from him. And let’s see Rafa get some more minutes. He’ll certainly make the Spurs pay for driving in, even if he doesn’t mean to…he’s just that big.

That should about cover it for now. I’m building up another head of steam and I don’t know if I can keep from Hulking out again if I start thinking about it. My hope for the Jazz now is that they do what they did against the Rockets and Rally themselves back into contention on their home court. So get it together for Saturday, boys. You may lose the series, but I expect you to put up a fight at least.

You’ve all seen the email going around the ‘nets that asks you to fill out some “getting-to-know-you” info and pass it along to all your friends. Well I got the 2007 edition of the email just this week but instead of spamming my email list I decided to post my answers here.

1. What time did you get up this morning? 6:52 (seriously that’s what my alarm is set for)
2. How do you like your steak? Rare as you dare
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Shrek 3. Disappointing.
4. What is your favorite TV show? Heroes
5. What did you have for breakfast? Egg Beaters egg white omelette
6. What is your middle name? Richard (Ricardo for you latin-America types)
7. What is your favorite cuisine? Bar-be-cue (have you ever watched the BBQ challenge on Vs. TV? SWEET!)
8. What foods do you dislike? Italian, white onions
9. What are your favorite chips? Chocolate
10. What is your favorite CD at the moment? “Favorite” is so dependent on the day. For argument’s sake let’s say Sade’s Greatest Hits
11. Who is your favorite singer? Neil Diamond
12. What is your favorite song? Six by All That Remains…good workout song (see “favorite” disclaimer on #10)
13. What characteristics do you despise? Despise-ination
14. What are your favorite clothes? T-shirts that are 2 sizes too small
15.If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go? Nebraska
16. Favorite brand of clothing? IZOD
17. Where would you want to retire? Near a golf course
18. Favorite time of day? Quittin’ time!
19. Where were you born? In the hospital
20. What is your favorite sport to watch? College football or Jazz basketball
21. Who do you think will not send this back? N/A
22. Person you expect to send it back first? N/A
23. Pepsi or Coke? Diet Coke
24. Beavers or ducks? Uhhh….beavers?
25. Are you a morning person or a night owl? Night
26. Pedicure or manicure? Yes…no…maybe!
27. Any new and exciting news you’d like to share? Yes, but not with you.
28. What did you want to be when you were little? Rich
29. Your best childhood memory? Riding BMX bikes
30. Piercing? One ear for one night before a Nitzer Ebb concert
31. Ever been to Africa ? No…but I hear it rains down there
32. Ever been toilet papering? I plead the 5th
33. Been in a car accident? Never as a driver
34. Favorite day of the week? Friday
35. Favorite restaurant? Any place with flair!
36. Favorite Flower? The one from Bambi
37. Favorite ice cream? Something nutty (as in: contains nuts)
38. Favorite fast food restaurant? asterisk TACO asterisk (all things taco)
39. How many times did you fail your driver’s test? Zero…but I failed hunter’s safety 4 times by accidentally shooting my instructor.
40. From whom did you get your last email? Deborah Gillman
41. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? Newegg.com
42. Bedtime? Nahh…I just got to work
43. Who are you most curious about their responses to this? Donald Rumsfeld
44. Last person you went out to dinner with? My family
45. What are you listening to right now? Joss Stone
46. What is your favorite color? Of what? Car: black, Hair: red, M&M: Green, Dirt: brown.
47. How many tattoos do you have? Do surgical scars count?
48. How many are you sending this email to? N/A
49. Favorite magazine? How about favorite blog (I no longer read printed material)? Lifehacker
50. What time did you finish this email? If by “email” you mean blog post…then 9:39

I’ve been sick for nearly a week.  When I’m sick I don’t feel like doing much of anything…working, exercising, playing or writing on my blog.

There are 3 people I don’t like today.

1.  Baron Davis. While he is arguably one of the best point guards in the NBA his cheap shot to former teammate Derek Fisher in Utah’s rout over the Dubs (what the locals like to call the Warriors) last night was completely uncalled for.  What’s worse is how this is being covered in the press today:

“Fisher dropped to the floor in a heap after a scary collision with Davis with 1:37 left, but eventually got up to finish the game. ”

http://www.nba.com/games/20070513/UTAGSW/recap.html 

“Scary collision” my butticles!  Davis was frustrated after a 6-16 shooting night against the dominant Jazz defense and he took it out on one of the nicest guys in the NBA.   Sorry GREG BEACHAM, an elbow to the side of the head is not a scary collision…your words imply accidental or incidental contact — it most certainly was not.

And Davis, I know you’re reading this,  we didn’t pull that kind of crap during game 3 on Friday night when we watched your team drop 15 3 pointers on your way to a 20 point victory.  We held our poise, maintained our dignity and lost with good sportsmanship.  You could learn a thing or two.

2.  Jason Richardson for the flagrant foul against Mehmet Okur with 0:37 left in the game and 3.  Doug Collins for having the audacity to blame the situation on Okur - “you shouldn’t drive to the basket in a situation like this”.  In a situation like what?!  Like when playing a BASKETBALL GAME?  I’m no NBA coach or anything…but when the shot clock is winding down, you try to make a basket!  Okur drove in, Richardson went WWF on him and somehow that’s Okur’s fault?!  I guess it’s the 7-11 owner’s fault every time he gets robbed too…right Collins?

All drama and playground tomfoolery aside, the Jazz are looking good in the Playoffs.  They have yet to lose a game at home and there isn’t a team left (save the NJ Nets) that the Jazz didn’t  beat or tie during the regular season.  I officially revise my Utah Jazz Playoff Prediction to have them winning the NBA Title in 5 versus the Detroit Pistons!  Take that Jazz haters!

<disclaimer>I work for NextSTAT. I am NOT an impartial bystander</disclaimer>

For a company whose unofficial slogan is “don’t be evil” Google has just made their most evil, diabolical move to date. THEY STOLE MY (employer’s) TAGLINE! So what gives Goog? I let slide the fact that your cookies don’t expire until 2038. I turned a blind eye when you purchased Urchin and gave away the service for free (future blog post incoming on this one). I pretended I didn’t hear the news that you wanted to buy DoubleClick. But this…this has gone too far!

Allow me to introduce my evidence:

Exhibit A: The NextSTAT logo that has been around for at least 2 years. Note the TM appearing next to the logo and tagline.

Exhibit B: A screenshot from the Google Analytics product tour.

“the next generation web analytics tool”? I cry foul! That’s my line…and you stole it! I demand justice! Can you tell from my excessive use of exclamation marks that I’m morally outraged?

Google, as much as I enjoy your well-engineered products (especially Google Reader <3 <3), I can no longer remain silent in the face of your evil deeds. My blog, and the 13 people who have ever read it, will fight you to the bitter end**.

That is all.

** Jon Gale has not received the support of his blog audience in his crusade against the evil-doings of Google.